Porn
That was my only access to porn as a Junior Higher. In High School there was the one time where someone brought a very 'unscrambled' video to a party I was at. In JH, HS, and even college if I had wanted to look at porn it would have required me to go to an adult bookstore or know someone who had a stash I could mooch off of. The effort it would have taken me to get porn helped serve as a deterrent for me. Even with this relatively minimal exposure to porn during my early years I still find that the temptation to look at pornography lies crouching in the shadows, waiting for moments of weakness, selfishness, or lust to pounce. I am so thankful that I didn't grow up in a time where porn was as easy to access as it is now.
I believe as a youth pastor in 1986 it would be reasonable for you to think that not everyone in the youth group had seen pornography. Today that assumption in my opinion is naive and even dangerous. In fact I think our access to pornography is one of the most destructive and problematic situations our society faces. Yet we aren't acting like it, and in ignoring it's pervasiveness we are standing by while this infection of our bodies and spirits spread like wildfire through our families, churches, and communities.
What if our faith communities started to recognize that the power and pervasiveness of pornography has over taken all of us to some degree or another? How could we dialogue in ways that would start to unravel the motivations behind a persons attachment to pornography? And how can we help people break the habit or flirtation with pornography and bring them back into a the correct perspective and balance regarding sex and eroticism? In one way we have to remove the stigma of pornography while at the same time continuing to emphasize it's destructive power.
Think how many men and women suffer in silence, embarrassment, and shame because pornography has come to wreak havoc in their lives. Pornography scrambles reality and separates the delicate balance of peoples physical and emotional bonds within sex. I think step one is for us to stop pretending that pornography isn't something that is prevalent in our churches or families. Only then can we bring it out from the shadows and into the light.
If we don't find a way to do this, and pornography "confessions" remain only for the most egregious offenders then we are headed for big trouble. When I look at Levi I am scared that he will be exposed to these distorted images despite Allison's and my best efforts to keep them from him. I am scared that a 12 year old today has more access to porn and eroticism than at anytime ever in the history of the world. The scariest of all is the fact that children are forcibly becoming more and more a part of this on-line and networked pornographic world (click here for Masha Allen story) in ever greater numbers. We must protect our children better than we do now. We have to talk about the struggles and triumphs of our sexual lives. As Lauren Winner states in her book:
"Sex is communal rather than private...Married Christians [are] to speak to one another - not just about sexual sin, but about all the complicated emotional and physical thickets one can find oneself in when one is having sex. It is to urge Christians to speak frankly to one another about the realities of chastity, about the thrills and tedium of married sex, about the rich meanings inherent in being sexual persons who live in bodies. It is to ask the church to serve as narrator, reminding ourselves who we are, and why we do what we do"For articles and resources dealing with pornography click here, here (men), here (women), and article on porn addiction in churches.
5 comments:
Interesting that there are no comments here. It is easier to speak of Easter or Difficult Names, but when sin comes to the table it is hidden and concealed.
Jason, I have been thinking a good deal about your blog. I have never seen porn, the images on television are disturbing enough for me. When I was young, though, I was babysitting at a home where the book "Lolita" was out. I read parts of it and those images have never left me. That disturbed me so much I knew I could never watch porn. It seems to be a bigger problem for men than for women so I have to admit I have trouble understanding its attraction. The question is...why is porn bad, why is it sinful? What will it do to you if you participate in pornography.
Good thoughts. I remember the first time I saw porn - I was in 8th grade. Some guys brought a magazine to school. They ended up hiding it in the ceiling tiles of a bathroom. I still remember everything about that bathroom - how it looked, where it was, and how it smelled. I say that to emphasize what a big effect it had on me - it was a pivotal moment. I wish I could say that was the last time I dealt with it, but it's not. Unlike you, I did go through the effort in college to get it. Being a single male who lives alone makes this (I think) an even easier sin to succumb to for me. I easily ask those same questions that your mom asks - who's it hurting anyway, what's the big deal, etc.... Sometimes I pray it will go away, and other times I'm glad I have it. Like many things in my life, it tears at me. Thanks for talking about it.
Judge
Jason,
This is a great post and certainly a timely topic. It's a shame that more people haven't commented. One of the things I appreciate about your blog (and I assume your ministry as well) is that you are willing to tackle real life situations and issues. Pornography is such a spiritual beating for so many guys. I will never forget when my wife told me about her first year of teaching when the kids were doing computer research on Washington D.C. and the presidents. They innocently typed in whitehouse and were taken to a site that had very little to do with politics.
I believe your mom asks some great questions in her comment. To the first "Why is porn bad, why is it sinful?" I would say that pornography is sinful because it objectifies individuals, especially women, in ways that are demeaning. Those who view pornography are in effect using another person(s) for the purpose of sexual gratification since most men masturbate in the presence of pornography (sorry to shock anyone out there, just trying to keep it real). It reinforces the belief that women are to be used as sexual objects rather than seeing women as equal partners in the love-making process. It is sinful because it reduces people who have been created in the image of God to a sub-human status. It also contributes to our cultures fascination with domination. I believe that there must be some connection between our fixation with the connection between inflicting pain and enjoying pain in sex, sadism and masochism, that contributes to the high number of rapes in our culture.
It is bad because it has an addictive quality that is quite difficult to overcome for many men. It is bad because men begin to expect their girlfriends or wives to model the oversexed behavior of the women they see in pornography. It is bad because marriages fail due to the lack of intimacy created by an addiction to pornography. It is bad because at its root it causes men to experience cycles of excitement, satisfaction, and self-hate/disgust that they can't seem to get over. I believe that men who have an addiction to pornography understand better than most Paul's frustration voiced in Romans about knowing the good but not being able to do the good. It is bad because pornography is a business created by men for men that couldn't care less about the women used therein. Pornography, unfortunately, is connected to capitalism and its proclivity to turn people into objects for sale.
The women who are involved in pornography are not there because they love sex. To the contrary, most get involved either because they have been forced to or because the money is so good that they get stuck in a career that robs them of their soul. As long as pornography continues to "pay off" it will continue being a huge problem and will likely get worse through the years without some type of regulation.
When we participate in the use of pornography we are in effect supporting an industry that destroys marriages (and I'm not even a big fan of how we put "the family" on a pedastal in our country), creates intense intrapersonal conflict, and literally kills many participants because of unsafe sex practices.
Sadly Christians are no different than the rest of the world when it comes to pornography. I'll never forget the story I heard about how ACU was having a youth ministry conference one weekend and how the hotel the participants were staying in reported the highest sale of adult programming that same weekend. Ministers, for some reason, are particularly vulnerable to sexual sin. For this reason I believe that we have a responsibility to both provide opportunities for accountability to ministers while at the same time talking about such issues with our parishoners in an open manner.
These are just a few of my initial thoughts on this subject. I appreciate this forum, Jason. What are some ways to counteract such a popular pasttime for so many men (both young and old)?
I have been following this post with much interest. Krister- great comments. Very accurate and real in my opinion.
Porn scares me. I don't think we have to look as far as cable TV and internet to find porn these days. Many primetime programs leave little to the imagination and I often find myself thinking unwholesome thoughts after watching.
Like most women, I want to be turned on and romanced. But, ultimately, I want the source of those feelings to come from my husband. I shouldn't need to look elsewhere and I don't want to look elsewhere. If I AM looking elsewhere, I think I need to seriously question WHY I am looking. In all reality, my husband would be more than happy to fulfill sexual needs, but perhaps my need comes from something deeper- something only the Lord can fill. And perhaps I don't turn to Him because I am afraid of what He would reveal to me- like I have some serious SIN in my life that needs to be dealt with.
Porn scares me for my children. How I want them to experience the joy of saving yourself (physically AND emotionally AND spiritually) for their spouses! But I think it's becoming harder and harder to prevent them from seeing such porn images. It's everywhere. I would have to keep them locked in a closet in order to protect them. So, how does one combat porn??? How DO we protect our children??? I'm looking for some real answers and suggestions here.
Post a Comment