The Next Market for Pornography

This is an excerpt from testimony given by Pamela Paul author of the book Pornified: How Pornography is transforming Our Lives, Our Relationships, and our Families to the Senate judiciary committee on a hearing called Why the Government Should Care about Pornography.

Pornography's Effect on Women:
In recent years, women’s magazines have regularly featured a discussion of pornography from a new perspective: how women can introduce it into their own lives. While many women continue to have mixed or negative feelings towards pornography, they are told to be realistic, to be “open-minded.” Porn, they are told, is sexy, and if you want to be a sexually attractive and forward-thinking woman, you’ve got to catch on. Today, the pornography industry has convinced women that wearing a thong is a form of emancipation, learning to pole dance means embracing your sexuality and taking your boyfriend for a lap dance is what every sexy and supportive girlfriend should do. According to a 2004 Internet poll conducted by Cosmopolitan magazine, 43 percent of women have been to a strip club. In an Elle magazine poll, than half the respondents described themselves as “pro-stripping” (56 percent) and said they weren’t bothered if their partner went to strip clubs (52 percent).

Men tell women their consumption of pornography is natural and normal, and if a woman doesn’t like it, she is controlling, insecure, uptight, petty, or a combination thereof. The woman demands. She is unreasonable. He has to give up something he’s cherished since boyhood. She’s not supportive. She blows everything out of proportion. If it weren’t for this attitude of hers, the relationship would be fine. For a woman to judge pornography as anything but positive is read as a condemnation of her man or at the very least, of his sexual life. Discomfort with pornography also becomes a woman’s discomfort with her own sexuality. Still, the Pornified/Harris poll found that only 22 percent of Americans believe pornography improves the sex life of those who look at it. Indeed one-third of respondents to this book’s nationwide poll believe looking at pornography won’t harm a couple’s relationship.

Pamela Paul's full testimony can be read here.

Women, we (men) have lost the war on pornography. I am so sorry that this is the case but it's true. For men the temptation of pornography will be increasingly easier to satiate and worse become even more expected and acceptable by our society. We need to seek your forgiveness for getting caught up in what we have always known are lies and distortion about women and sexuality.

There are only two ways men as individuals can come back and reclaim what pornography has taken away. First is by finding our own sense of moral outrage and courage to see what pornography actually is. Pornography is nothing but an economic play on the most animalistic and addictive nature of male sexuality. Pornography trades the truth of sex for a fantasy of lies and causes its user to become like a junkie who lives only for his next sexual fix. Men have to regain their sense that pornography is the most deadliest of poisons that not only destroys us, but those we love as well. We have to stay as far away from it as possible, and have help in maintaining our integrity before God, our spouses, and each other.

Second and just as critical, women must remain strongly opposed to pornography and not give in to the pressure of being "stripperized" for the sake of "empowerment". No matter what your boyfriend, husband, brother, or friend says pornography isn't a necessity. Those who say it is should be believed as much as any other addict. It cannot and will not add anything to your relationship but destruction, so don't go there if someone is trying to lead you there. Please talk to younger women who are increasingly facing the pressure to accept pornography use by men AND women as normative and healthy. Don't just concern yourselves with your husbands, brothers, nephews, or sons but worry too about the women and girls in your life. And please talk to them, witness to them how destructive it could be and how distorted it is. This means getting real with them about sex and relationships. They are trying to be captured by a multi-billion dollar industry just like guys have already been. The problem of porn is very real and has real consequences. Educate yourself about it so that you can be prepared to speak to it's lies and distortions. Pamela's book is a great place to start.