9/11

Five years ago, the day started out like any other normal day that Allison and I had since moving to NYC in 1999. She was working at The Buckley School and I had dropped her off at school by 8:00 a.m. I drove to the church and waited in the car for about 45 minutes until I could park at the meter without getting a ticket. During that time I was listening to a talk radio station, but got sleepy and turned it off.

At about 9:00 a.m. I went into the church and logged into AOL. The first picture that popped up was of the hole in one of the WTC buildings. It didn't look real. Word spread quickly through the office that another plane had his the south tower, and we eventually made it up to Tom's apartment to watch the news coverage of what was going on. As the reality of what was happening started to sink in, I got this low level, but intense panic feeling that eventually took days to subside.

I got a hold of Allison and her voice conveyed the same feelings I was having. She was in a room full of children whose father's worked downtown. She told me that she was going down to the Red Cross since she was a first responder, and that she would get a hold of me later. Needless to say I didn't want her to go, but I knew she needed to.

Meanwhile my brother-in-law who is just blocks away from the towers was being rushed down to the trading floor at the NYSE where he remained until both towers fell. Allison and I met up later, and we drove to my sister's apartment where we waited for word from Brandon. We stayed for a long time getting periodic e-mails (phones and cell services were down) from Brandon telling us he was OK and that he was starting to walk uptown. Brandon got home after walking 6 miles, and we left to make it back to Brooklyn in our car.

I remember the fighter jets buzzing the city, and the attack helicopters circling Manhattan with a gunner at the door and eyes trained on the streets. I will never forget turning down the street near our house in Brooklyn and not seeing the Towers. The days and weeks that followed were full of tension, fear, confusion, and doubt.

This morning the sky is brilliantly blue and there is a slight crisp in the air, exactly as it was on this day five years ago. Most days I don't think about 9/11. I didn't experience any personal loss that would force me to relive this day, every day like thousands of other people have to. For about a year I mourned the absence of the Towers. Now I have just grown accustomed to the void that exists in lower Manhattan. Even though I don't think about the the full impact of 9/11 everyday, the emotions and fears of that day exists right under the surface.

I have fought through the feelings of wanting to run from the this city. It feels like it would be a whole lot safer to live somewhere less populated and more out of the way. But this is our home, and if anything 9/11 made us more determined to stay here. I hope and pray that this determination is not put to the test with another attack. Today I think about the tremendous burden placed on people from the President down to the beat cop and firefighters in our neighborhood to protect the citizens of this country. My thoughts are with them as they try to find that elusive balance between protection and freedom.

But most of all my prayers and thoughts are with the thousands and thousands of people who have lost people in their lives that are irreplaceable. May God bring peace and comfort to those who mourn on this day.

I encourage you to read Brandon's account of the day.