Can A Sister Get A Seat
We went to the doctor last Thursday for Allison's check-up with the mid-wife. I had yet to go to an appointment with Allison for this baby (I went to every appointment when she was pregnant with Levi...I feel guilty already!) so we decided it was a good time for all of us to go.
We headed down into the subway for her appointment excited to go hear the baby's heartbeat. We walk onto the subway car and I have two bags and a stroller while Allison has Levi, herself, and a bag. the car was moderately full, which means all the seats were taken and about twenty other people were standing. For the ride from 116th to 59th not a single person got up and offered Allison a seat. Only until we had been held at a station for ten minutes before our final stop did someone get up. I couldn't believe it, and mind you Levi is standing with her too. I wanted to have a conniption fit, but thought better of it because I didn't want to embarrass Allison.
Talking with Allison afterwards she says that this sort of thing happens to her and her friend Melanie (she's 7 months pregnant) all the time. Allison and her friends who are or who have been pregnant have come to some general conclusions about the type of people who will give up their seat for them on either the bus or subway based on their experiences.
The most likely person to give up there seat would be a Latino man. Followed by African American women, then African American men, and white women. The worst (and this has been their unanimous experience) is white, upper-middle class to wealthy, men. This doesn't include men who are tourists, they give up their seats better than New Yorkers do, but they don't count.
All of these demographics were represented in that subway car we were standing in, and it was a Latino man who finally gave up his seat for Allison and Levi. Allison wasn't bothered by it, but I was. So I am curious, from your observations or experience what kind of person displays the most courtesy to those who deserve it?
6 comments:
I have been confronted with the "offering a seat" problem since I came to Spain and ride public transportation. Since I am an older woman, who do I offer my seat to in deference to age? Would someone be offended if I offered them my seat because they appear older or more feeble? I always offer my seat to women (or men) with children or to pregnant women.
I have rules when I give up seats:
If a woman is obviously pregnant (to avoid the embarassing "no, I just have a beer gut scenario).
To someone with a small child.
If someone looks older than my parents (the baby boomer thing kind of throws you off because it's not clear whether someone who is 50 or 60 wants to be offered a seat).
I think if all (healthy) women of child bearing age were willing to give up their seat to a pregnant woman, then it would resolve the problem, but for some reason the numbers don't always add up.
Buy your wife a mini van and forget about it. What are you waiting for????? Subway at 8 months??? I should throw you out the door at at the next stop.
...and you would park this van where?
Mom, in deference to age all things being equal you offer your seat to people who are older than you not younger. I think it's a universal sign of respect to do so.
Little light, you are so right. Following up with Allison Caucasian young women are almost as bad as the men.
Byron, we happen to love the earth (how's your SUV and boat by the way) and feel that using a vehicle in a city with more than adequate public transportation isn't just inappropriate it's downright unconscionable. Now I have to go. Alternate side of the street parking rules are in effect and I have to move my car.
Hi J-Wild,
I linked to this post through Joe's blog. I've been keeping track of demographics of the people who have offered their seat for me during my pregnancy. Out of the ones I've counted so far, the majority have been women -- one Indian, one African-American, one Hispanic, three Caucasian (one of these Eastern European and another orthodox Jewish); and a few men (one Hispanic, one African-American, one Caucasian (Eastern European), and one Caucasian (of unknown ethnicity). All demographics have been represented while traveling by subway, so yes, I agree with your assessment that White, upper-middle-class men seem to be least likely, based on my experience thus far. The interesting thing is that the White women and men offering their seat has come later in my pregnancy.
RM
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