A Little PST Can Be A Good Thing...

My little brother Matt got married this weekend to his bride Kelli in a beautiful ceremony led by my grandfather in Beverly Hills overlooking Los Angeles. With airplane seats for three and a family of four we made the trek across the country to participate in this blessed event.

We rented a house with the Baker's in Santa Monica that was ACROSS THE STREET from the beach (corner of Ocean and Pacific St). There was family flying in from all over the country to be a part of this wedding. There were three different locations for the rehearsal, the wedding, and the reception. Beth was a bridesmaid, Allison was the coordinator, I was a groomsman, and Levi was a ring bearer.

Even in the midst of wedding stuff, child management, and sleepless nights I could still feel the remarkably slower more laid back pace of Southern California as compared to New York. Sometimes I forget that I live in a bubble. Whenever I leave that bubble the world is so different and not just because of surroundings but different in feel, energy, and especially pace. It's like life throttles down to 60% capacity once you leave New York and that's just going to Los Angeles it's much lower than that other states!

I know I go on and on about how great NYC is, and I realize how annoying that aggrandizing can be (see Texans), but I do see how the pace and feel of NYC can't work for most people. And truth is it doesn't always work for us either. It's nice to leave sometimes to decompress a little. But we know NYC works for us because so far it's always nice to return to the city we call home.

It was a short trip so the dichotomy between the two cities was acutely felt. For example from Wednesday to Sunday I had no real idea what was going on in the world. Even though I listened to KCRW 98.9 (a station I podcast) I still felt the absence of breaking news, and it was a good thing (I must detox after this election). In contrast, I knew the big stories of the day just from walking by the news stands on my way to work this morning.

I like being in the heart of it all. The Pacific time zone feels about three hours behind the rest of the world to me. And in NYC terms that might as well be the whole day. But sometimes letting the world get ahead of you isn't such a bad thing.

They're Engaged!

My little brother Matt got engaged two days ago while on the beach in Costa Rica. He and Kelli have been dating for about two years now and I (we) couldn't be happier with who she is as a person and how she will fit into our family. We are so excited, here's to you two, congratulations.

I believe the rumor is that they are going to be getting married fairly soon, and the wedding will be in California. So that means I have about five months to get into some sort of respectable shape for the beach. As I said in a previous post, my body has officially reached the stage where I have to put some effort into making it look half-way decent.

I am tempted to but up a before picture, that is a picture of myself right now, as a means of public humiliation and accountability so my butt will get up and go running.

Is the Weekend Already Over?

A reenactment of our wedding ceremony
ten years later.

We had the absolute best weekend celebrating our tenth wedding anniversary. Friday we stayed home, had a little wine, and ate take-out while we caught up on a weeks worth of TV shows.

Then on Saturday Beth and Brandon (mainly Beth due to Brandon's previous commitments) watched the kids while Allison and I went to a spa out in New Jersey. At the spa I got my first massage and I have seriously thought about giving up cable so I could go have a massage once a month!

Then on Saturday night we went out to eat at a Jean-Georges Vongerichten restaurant called JoJo.
Allison had:

• Sweet-Potato Ravioli marjoram and balsamic brown butter
• Red Snapper carrot confit in orange juice, cumin and olive oil
• Warm Chocolate Cake with vanilla ice cream

I had:

• Shrimp dusted in orange powder, artichokes and arugula
• Sirloin Steak gingered mushrooms, white asparagus, soy caramel sauce
• Key Lime Tart, with lemon ice-cream

It was incredible, and all things considered, it wasn't super expensive. We plan on finding another special occasion as an excuse to go back as soon as we can. We also saw the Pope's motorcade drive right by us on Park Ave. and 61st. Amazing how many cops and how much firepower has to follow the Vicar of Christ. Then we met friends and stayed out until 1:30 a.m. it was awesome!

The weekend was exactly what Allison and I needed and a perfect way to celebrate our anniversary. We got to be together with our kids, then spend time with just ourselves, and then spend a night out with our good friends and family. Thanks for all the well-wishes and blessings. And here's a cyber toast to the next ten years, which look to be shaping up to be better than the first.

Ten Years Ago

April 18, 1998 - Click to Enlarge
Today is our ten year wedding anniversary! Wow I can't believe how fast time has flown. I was looking at pictures yesterday and it doesn't seem that long ago that we were living in our first apartment in Highland Park in Dallas.

Ten years and two kids later we are as happy as we could be. Maybe not as rested but definitely happy. Tonight we are staying home and watching some of our favorite TV shows, possibly the movie Juno, and our wedding video. Tomorrow we plan to go out for lunch and spend the afternoon together while my Beth and Brandon watch the kids. Then we are going out for an evening on the town. We are very excited about our day and evening together tomorrow.

It's hard to articulate the depth I feel for Allison after ten years of marriage. It's funny that this is the case because I have always been one who finds expressing these kinds of sentiments to be easy to express.

I was talking to Brandon last night and I was telling him how great it is that I am in my tenth year of marriage rather than my first (can I get an AMEN from the husbands out there). I said that because coming to understand a person takes a lot of time and often requires a lot of mistakes before a clear picture emerges. A lot of things about marriage came easy to us, and some things about being together have been a challenge. Yet through it all my commitment and love for her as never wavered.

Part of the difficulty in articulating my feelings for her are wrapped up into my own deep feelings about my children. The change in our lives because of having kids hasn't always been easy for me and probably not for her either, although I bet for different reasons. When Allison was my girlfriend, fiancé, or simply my wife life was more or less about "us" and what was or wasn't working for the two of us. And then, three and three-quarter years ago (as Levi would want to make clear) we became parents. Our marriage took on a whole new dimension, one that ceased to revolve around just us, but now encompassed Levi and eventually Zeke.

The love and nurturing that is poured into our boys by Allison drives the fierce love and bond I feel for her. Incredibly these feeling grow every day. We have reached a significant milestone in our lives together. It's my prayer that it will be one of many, many, many more to come. I am honored and humbled that God would see fit for me to have a wife like Allison. I am not always the husband to her that she deserves and she isn't always the wife she wants to be for me. But it's in those times of falling short as well as being right on that we begin to understand how deeply and profoundly we are joined together. Tonight as we sit and watch ourselves as twenty-three year old kids getting married in Harding Park and will be amazed at how fast time has flown by.

Thanks to all of our family, friends, and church who have walked with us on our journey together. It's with their friendship, love, and support that we have come to see each other better too.

Allison, I love you more than I am able to express. You bring me so much goodness and light, thank you for marrying me.

Honeymoon - Redux

I was looking through some old video tapes, you know the ones you have to watch with a Hi-8 camera. I was looking for old footage of our youth group for the upcoming Youth Sunday service, when I found a tape of our Honeymoon in Jamaica.

Looking at that footage I had this feeling of wishing I could go on my honeymoon all over again, but as I (we are) now instead of back then. Don't get me wrong, we had a great time, but after nine years of being married I think we would have even a better time now.

The fact that getting to sleep in until 10:00 am would make us as giddy as two newlyweds might mean that the bar has been lowered a bit. The truth is watching that video last night I realized that I hardly knew the 23 year-old I had just married and was honeymooning with that week. I had no idea how fun, compassionate, adventurous, expressive, smart, and just plain awesome Allison would be. I also didn't realize how mad, annoyed, frustrated, and ticked off I could get at her either. This in-spite of dating and being engaged for almost two years. Despite (both of us) being a little bit fitter and flirtier I would take the 31 year-old Allison I know and have been with up to today hands down over the 23 year-old I knew back in 1998.

And I was thinking, that's the real power at the heart of marriage. Well, marriage as I have experienced it. It's cliche to say, but it's true for us that the journey is more instructive than any destination. I have been with Allison long enough now to realize that. Not that maintaining that perspective is easy all the time.

Yeah I am certain we would have a much better time with each other now than we did back then. And I am really thankful for that.

Nine Years!

Today makes nine years! It seems like such a long time ago that we walked down that outdoor aisle together surrounded by family and a whole bunch of friends. It really hits home how fast time flies when that day seems so far away but all the details are easily recalled in my mind. The longer we are married the more often I feel like we are still figuring out this thing of marriage, life, and parenthood. But each year it gets clearer and more rewarding than the previous one.

So tonight we have absolutely NOTHING planned. In fact it is as anti-anniversaryish as you can get. Allison came down with the stomach virus yesterday, so I skipped out on work to hang out with Levi while she convalesced in our room. She is feeling better but because of being pregnant she feels particularly weak and tired after not really eating for a few days. Plus she has a three hour class tonight.

We are trying to save money for our trip to Spain, so I was going to cook a romantic dinner for us to eat at home when she returned from her night class, but the BRAT diet and her stomach killed that idea. Then as she was leaving for class Levi threw up all of his dinner he had just eaten!

So it looks as though our 9th anniversary will be spent at home watching American Idol and LOST. And since Levi has thrown up three times during the last hour it appears we are in for a long night, but not in the way that most anniversaries are assumed to be spent.

Truth be told had this been our fifth anniversary or even seventh anniversary I am not sure I would have had the maturity to keep a "non-romatic" anniversary in perspective. But for some reason this feels really good...it feels solid. The relationship gurus in all the magazines would probably be disappointed in us for not making some romantic and exotic thing to happen. But pushing off those kind of conventional expectations and being able to exist in the current moment and circumstances with Allison is really assuring and even romantic. I am looking forward to being with her when she gets home and that's more than enough for me on this anniversary. Which is pretty much how it is every night.

I love you babe!

JI

We're Back

Getting back from vacation is a major bummer! It's hard to leave a place that's 80 degrees and just abudant with golf courses. We had a great time, and Levi was in the pool so much that we were sure he was going to turn into a fish. I am not looking for any sympathy because anyone fortunate enough to get out of NY and go to CA in February deserves the smallest amount of sympathy possible.




Read this today in an article from The Other Journal in their issue about Gender and Sexuality:

People go into marriage basically, I think, with fundamentally selfish motivations. Most of us get married because we think "My life is better with this person than without." It's natural, it's human nature. But at root, it's all selfish. What I'm trying to say is that marriage is the antithesis of selfish. It's modeling Christ, who said, "I came not to be served but to serve." It calls us to die to ourselves, to put somebody above ourselves. And that's where, I think, the gender discussions becomes fuzzy. Because i don't just look at it theologically; I look at it in terms of spiritual formation. I think God designed marriage to humble women, and I think God designed marriage to humble men. Any proclamation that is creating arrogance and pride runs up against the verse that is repeated three times in scripture; "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." It's in Peter, James, and Proverbs. And so I begin by assuming that Marriage calls us to sacrifice, calls us to humility, and calls us to put someone [else] above our own desires.

- Gary Thomas in Evangelicalism, Marriage and Holy Sexuality: An Interview with Gary Thomas

There is also a great article about Sufjan Stevens titled: Reconciling Sufjan Stevens: Religious Hipsters and The Inevitable Queerness Of Christian Music